long time no blog

wao lao...now whats wrong with my bears.......
irritating le..now the chatter box is back to normal my bears all run away from home...bears..come back...i need you

have been super busy with my midterm test
my fiancial accounting so bad only got
51.5/100
22nd percentile
cham...

my stats still ok
45/100
don know what percentile but its below the 50th percentile..sian...

haiz..then i'm in the valley once again...
i knew i was distracted but i couldn't help it..
then i became too busy and i did not read the bible and stuff..
i told God i can't then i got a sign about "God will fins time for you to do His will" then ok la i read the bible but i didn't pray a lot on my own
I can't help it and i try ways and mean to have desire for God but....
anyway i fell...
many things were happening around me, my friends, my family, the circle and place i was in a person's heart was shaken (at least i felt that)..
i questioned my faith..i say i can't feel God..
had a lot of sessions with Ms Tan. She say when we try to get closer to God, the more difficult it will get because of the devil and the spiritual warfare but just remember His blessings that he poured out to you, count your blessings instead of your trails and tribulations...and remember that God is with u..when you need care and love he is always there..like even our earthly parents want to give us good gifts what more about our heavenly father?

but it didn't help much..i can say now that i'm still very emotional n i claim that i don't know the feeling of getting touched by God..i'm not if i did..but i would really wana know the feeling lo..

last sunday the pastor's brother came to preach, he preached about desire and thirst..he said this thing that really struck me..if you haven't been crying for God..haven't been touched for a long time, reflect on your hunger and thirst for God..it might be because of your faith that you are not being touched by God..
my eyes were opened..but i still don't know how about doing it..

then a few days later Ms Tan just briefly mentioned about reading the bible and praying..so i'll do my part and leave the rest to God..

then i felt that because of my fall, i disappointed Ms Tan..and i felt that our relationship (NOT BGR) was getting more and more far away...then came Ai Ping..i don't know..the circle of friends because of a new comer, the old ones get neglected..that was what i felt la..i mean its human nature la..come on..i don't blame any one..i just hope that i don't feel left out..

then ystday they came to train at SMU..i went down after my presentation (which went quite well) ai yo..got to do my homework..brb

ok i'm back..now is during financial accounting lesson..got presentation..sian..haha
ok anyway..i had a quarrel with Ms Tan last nite..i didn't have a quarrel for a long long time..but i was quite angry but i don't want our relationship to end up like me and peiwei's relationship..

But as she was explaining, i can't forgive..i don't know y then i was forced to say out my reasons y i was angry and walked away without telling her or asking for any reasons..haiz..anyway she like dun know call me how many times..i offed my phone bcoz i didn't want to answer her questions..aiyo have to go church for BS liao...
leading worship later..wish me luck..bye bye