hmm..thanks alot of reading my blogs people, really appreciate it..
anyway, really wana thank God about how he answered my struggles these past 3 weeks..
Many opportunities are opening up..i do thank God for them, but i have to constantly reming myself that its not about me God, its all about you..but time to time, it never fails me to look at my shortcomings, my weaknesses, qualities that i do not possess that is required of my to do my job.
One good example is, i can't sing! in primary school, i still remember that i have difficulties singing our national anthemn..that's no kidding..every morning i go to school, line up and get ready to sing the anthemn, i struggle..i sing horribly..i sound horrible and i always try to hide away from teachers so they wun see that i'm not singing and catch me..until one day, i saw some people dun need to sing national anthemn, i so happy and thought, they dun sing, i also can dun sing..so happily i enjoyed my mornings listening to the national anthemn..UNTIL i realized, foreigners dun have to sing national anthemn..-_-"' ok so i have to sing my national anthemn..then until one fine day, i caught one of my good frenz not singing the anthemn!! haha! i so happy!! got pple who is a singaporean who dun sing the national anthemn..so that's about my singing in primary school..
in secondary school..i only sing my band song..hehe..its very nice, even the lyrics are so nice..i'm getting to appreciate the lyrics of my band song more when i became a christian. it goes
"we are a part of a military band, we are one and only outram band...*forgot lyrics* but still, i remember this part..
If God gonna a test on us, we will never fail the task, His spirit in build in all of us, we will survive till the end...coz we're one and only outram band and the best is our band..........blah blah blah..ok i know you must be confused
but anyway, i like that part about if God gonna put a test on us, we will not fail bcoz His spirit is in us! amen?!
ok so thats all for my "singing life" then i got a big bunch of frenz who like to go KTV..so i reached another "peak" for my "singing life"
then after becoming a christian...dun know what happened..i became a worship leader........... *thunders & lightnings* I can't sing!! how can it be??!! i'm still struggling with my singing today.. but anyway, that's not my main point..
Next, about leadership opportunities that are coming up..my spiritual life is not doing well..and things are just at a pace that is too fast for me to even catch up with myself..I start to question many things including myself, my motives..i dun have the answers, i prayed that God will reveal my motives to me and if its wrong, i pray that God corrects me..Comparing with people like Grace/Gary/Choonleong/Yvonne everybody else who are all more senior than me, has a longer history with God, are more exposed to Christian teachings and had more time communicating with church people and all..In what aspect of my christian life am i suitable to take up this leadership opportunities? especially now that i'm not really right with God?! I dun have it!! i dun have the qualities!! how to lead when i have nothing to give?!!
about my motives, especially when you're in a leadership position, motives are really impt and we must be very sensitive to it..we should be servants and we serve not for our own glory, but for God's..
but why serve God? besides that because the bible says so, why do I want to serve God? How does my relationship with God answer that question? this boils down to my motive of service..do i serve God for my own glory? Do i serve God bcoz pple tells me to? Do i serve God so that He can bless me? so that He will answer my prayers? What is my motivation of serving God?
its definitely, not easy to serve..it even discourages me to see people not serving..Choices Choices Choices..I choose to do it..WHY? what's my motivation? i tell meself, "just do it la..if you dun than who will?" i really want to thank people from the ushering team..its really not easy to be faithful in service alternate weeks, even continuous weeks..and just by seeing them serving motivates me..seeing people like Ms Tan, Paul, Terence who are serving almost decades of their lives and still going on..they're not superman or woman..they're just mere humans, like you and me..These people motivates me..but ultimately, i know its for God's kingdom..that's something i can't figure out, but God reveal through really unexpected ways!
First, why do i serve?
Out of a thankful and grateful heart. For all that He has done for me, He saved me, He died for me..these speaks to me and answered my doubts..
Guys, i know its not easy to feel for things like this, esp when you're down, but i really pray that as you read, God will touch hearts and reveal.
and than, that very same day, these came out from my own mouth:
When God gives the opportunity, trust Him that He has His plans that prospers us and not to harm us. Even when we feel that we can't do it, dun limit God to our limited minds.
that very same day that i talked about the above, a thought struck my mind and reminded me
like what jonathan suber preached about last week, He can do miracles in us! we have the capacity to be miracles of God!
in short:
dun limit God's miracles with our limited minds + have the faith that God has plans that prospers us + God already put in us the qualities to be a miracle when He created us.
the above equation: plus keeping an open mind when serving.
elaboration: we're all not perfect YET, God mould us through opportunities. therefore, an open mind is crucial if we want to be better people for God's glory.
I hope you guys know what i'm talking about and i hope that these answers God revealed to me will reveal to you as well..
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