Monday, February 21, 2005

mid term break..yeah yeah..

yeah..now is term break..but got to go back school everyday for project meeting. one of my project not approved by prof because we had some assumptions and the time periojd is vague so got to REDO the stuff..and we don't have the time to meet up on monday n tuesday and wednesday we have to hand it in again!! so we're going to meet in the morning then hand-in in the afternoon.

met up with peiwei ystday, had a nice chat with her, i'm very happy to have met her and to have helped her abit about her problem.
hmm i do miss the times we're together, when things are so much more simplier and happier.
maybe not happier coz of our circumstances but i'm happy to have found her at that point of time.
its such a blessing to have someone to go through one of your touhest time in life with you. and its a mistake to give up our friendship. that thing still haunts me always but as time heals, and when things are easier to let go on think i'm more ok about it now.

think my secondary school years are the most memorable ones that i make memories and strive hard to achieve something in life.

Junior college years is for time for getting over things, letting people go finally. haha, think i'm a person who cannot really get over things esp when its very dear to me.

then uni years, hmmm experience a new life with God. =) and enjoying the life accepting my past.

hehe..yup think i like it, there's always a time for everything yeah? hehe..

hmm for now i'm working hard in school, my grades last term is real bad and i can't get over it!! so i'm trying harder. hope i can give you guys good news in mid april? hehe..thats when my exams will be over!! yeah yeah yeah!! think i'm the earliest to be released from school, 3 and a half months of holidays!! yeah..but the bad thing is when you're happy enjoying holidays nobody can company me..=(

anyway, ystday me and a fren was talking and we talked about fearing lonliness. i said i'm not very much afraid of it, coz i just have to learn to accept it, if not i'll just make myself look poor thing and pitiful. i hate it.. i hate it more than the effort to accept being lonely is part and pacel of life. its hard but i will if i'm left alone.

but then i told my fren, now things are different, i have some people who i really cherish now. people i want to walk with them, for all my live. if i lose them, think, hmm..actually i'm not very sure, but what is the ultimate motive of having friends to walk with you in life? definitely not because you are lonely but think one person also cannot be so lonely to the point that nobody wants him/her. but if i lose my dear dear frenz, i will feel like that, the parting itself is more then me left being lonely, its more than many things, coz i lost a friend. He/she might not be my enemy, but the feeling that we're not close anymore is real saddening. you know? its like when me n jiemin parted, the bad feeling knowing we are not so close anymore. but is love really means that? love means we have to be close to that person? i mean even for love for friends.
the bible says
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 corinthians 13:4 - 7)
does that means love does not have expectations? wa..very chim leh..i can't think..haha

but anyway, parting among friends..its just a very heartbreaking event la..thats all i have to say..hehe

i'm ok people dun worry k? i'm still very motivated coz i know God's love NEVER FAILS! and i am learning to accept that we are sinful people in a sinful world. we will disappoint and let down people so do others. yup, but God's love always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. yup and He never gives up on us so we shouldn't to others too. but think in theory its so easy to say, its easy to expect people to it. but what about doing it ourselves. i can't even accept my own mistakes! i mean i can't forgive myself, but i know God is dealing with me, He wants to take it away, but i just feel that if He takes it away i'll forget about it and there is a high possibility that i will commit that mistake again and it will hurt others again!! oh man!! i just hate the fact others is hurt because of my negligance on my own behaviour. i'm still trying to come to terms with God la..see how we can do it, i'm not sure if i want to involve people at the moment.

ok dun worry people i'm ok..
hear from you guys soon too!!

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